No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize