i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
