She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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