those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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