Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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