toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
