she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
