You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
