I heard we made out
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
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I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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