going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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