I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
