Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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