Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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