A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
