Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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