She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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