I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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