Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So much rum. So many feels.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm always down for nudity.
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