He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
