Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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