You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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