I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
