The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
