$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
