Well apparently he's into motor boating.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
