I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
