Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
