she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
