I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize