well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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