Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
