WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
