from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My life is pants optional.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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