Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
