I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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