I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize