Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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