my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
