Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
