They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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