Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
