He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am spending my child support on dildos
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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