Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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