for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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