And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
