When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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