No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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