she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
