I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
