I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
