Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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