Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
