his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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