she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
