Betty ford says i'm here all night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
