if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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