The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
