just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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