Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
