Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
His nipple licking is glorious
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