he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
