just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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