It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
