two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
